100 Things part 2--My body
WARNING: This post will talk about how I feel about MY body. I'm going to talk about things that may or may not make you feel awkward. But you must understand that in order to love yourself, you have to accept the shell in which you are in. This is me accepting my shell.
So I begin at the top with my hair.
2. My hair.
In the past I have HATED my hair. From the time I was a small child, I was so envious of my mother's beautiful hair. My hair was thick and awkward and I didn't like it. So for years I struggled trying to find a way to love my hair. I cut it, dyed it, relaxed it, which of course destroyed it. And then about three years ago I decided to stop chemically processing my hair. I had a rough year for sure of really bad hair. But suddenly my hair has started to make me smile. It's so long I keep thinking there's a spider on my neck. I love how easy it is to manage and deal with. I spend not a lot of time on my hair anymore and I love that.
3. My brain
I must say, I think I'm pretty smart. I can linguistically run circles around the common person. I can logically and creatively look at something and break it down in so many different ways. I love how my brain enables me to write, read, and translate in three different languages (sometimes four!). I love the way I think through things and process information. I enjoy how it enables me to see the bigger picture.
4. My face (in general)
Everyone struggles with their face in some fashion or another. Me, I've got quite a few flaws on my face. I grow hair on my face in places I don't like. I have a wicked scar on the right side of my face (right under my glasses) from when I was in a car accident. It's a little discolored in places. But it is my face. And I think it's beautiful.
5. My eyes
My eyes are brown. Medium brown. But my eyes are amazing. These eyes are trained to see and absorb so many things. I can look at a photo and tell you exactly where those lights are hung. I can look at a gel color and tell you exactly what it is (with the assistance of my awesome brain). I can look at nature and find it's beauty. I don't know what I would do with out them.
6. My ears
I have supersonic ears. I can tell what a sound is so quickly. I know when my kids are jumping on the bed or playing with the blinds. But my ears also allow me to listen to a conversation completely. To hear every word in every sentence. I've been told by many that I am a good listener.
7. My arms
I am strong for a girl. I mean ridiculously strong. And I attribute that to my many years of opera and stagehand work. I always want to be able to carry my own weight. I love that I can lift and safely carry things made of wood and steel. I open all my own jars. And I give pretty good hugs!
8. My breasts
Now let's just be real for a second. They. are. big. I mean heavy. They hurt sometimes. They make my back hurt. They get in the way when I'm trying to crawl through things or get around things. Many of my shirts have a hole in the boob because I rubbed against something and my chest stuck out a little too far. BUT, they're mine. They are a part of me and have been a part of me for a long time, since I was in second grade. My shirts would be incomplete without them. I look good in a low-cut shirt. I mean really good.
9. My hands
Ahhh, my most prized possession. My hands are amazing. They are builders, writers, creators, teachers, and lovers. I can make anything. I can draw, I can color. I do art. I put together puzzles with them. My hands are my favorite tool because I know that with my hands there isn't anything I can't accomplish.
10. My legs
Now I'm only 5'5" but my legs are long. And I love that they are. I can find a pair of pants with no problem. I can hang out further on a truss or a pipe to reach things. And they are strong.
11. My rear view
So I am no Nikki Minaj or Beyonce but I do all right. Here's the thing, if people are looking then it must be worth looking at. I can't see it except in the mirror. But I can tell you this: I don't have any problems finding a pair of jeans that fit. And I am totally aware of the existence of my ass. Just like the top half, the bottom half of me finds it self poking out a little too far for some applications. But it does me just fine.
12. My feet
I am always on my feet. I mean constantly. I eat standing up, I work standing up. I rarely sit down to do even the most difficult tasks. They enable me to keep moving and going strong. I love their resilience. Even when they are tired, they are able to keep going.
13. My stomach
Now let's not get it twisted. I am carrying a load of extra weight around my mid-section. And I have stretch marks--quite a few. But they are the signs of a woman who has carried two babies full term. And proudly. So I don't show them off, but I know they are there. They don't make me ashamed. They make me feel bold, accomplished, and above all they are a sign that I will willingly sacrifice even my own body for my children.
Overall, I would say I'm built just right. It really doesn't matter to me what anyone thinks about how I look. Each one of these aspects of me is perfect. Flaws are what makes us different and I don't desire to look like anyone else but me.
If you can't love your body, no one else will. Embrace it. It's the only one you will ever have.
Sunday, December 10, 2017
Friday, December 8, 2017
New project: 100 things (Post 1 of who knows how many)
In coming to terms with many things in my life, I came to the realization that I need to start loving myself as much as the people who surround me do. I feel it is a great disservice for me to expect love from others if I am not able to see the things that people love about me. So this is my new project: 100 things I love about me.
1. That I love. Period.
Some people can go their whole lives and not even understand how to love another person. They don't know what it even means let alone how to display it in a cohesive way.
So what does it mean to love?
A random definition says "an intense feeling or deep affection".
Well that at least sums up the chemical part of it all.
But that's what it's really all about. It's a feeling. If you aren't loving for the pure excitement of it all then you're not doing it right.
I feel love when I am doing things for other people. From babysitting twins while my bestie runs to the store, to helping my daughter build a paper doll house. Even giving the man on the corner my last dollar--that smile is priceless! Inside I feel warm--elated. Like a toasted marshmallow.
Ok maybe not that, cause those get burned sometimes.
But sometimes, you feel burned when you love. When you give love and it isn't reciprocated, it feels like a cold, hard fire. The hardest part is turning that coldness into a feeling of warmth. When you love something just a little or even so deeply, most people when they don't visually SEE the reciprocation, they decide that love isn't worth it. But when you love truly and honestly, the effect of that isn't always VISUAL. Most people remember those feelings when they are down. The homeless man who hasn't had a meal in weeks will remember that there are people out there who do care and it gives him HOPE. Your kids will remember when they get older the times that Mommy spent helping them make something awesome. And your best friend will be so grateful to know that they are never alone.
So I do. I love. I give as much as I can in all the ways I can. Because when I'm down, I can look back and remember that warm and toasty feeling inside. I can't imagine life without love.
And in case no one has said it to you today, yesterday, or so long you can't remember: I love you.
1. That I love. Period.
Some people can go their whole lives and not even understand how to love another person. They don't know what it even means let alone how to display it in a cohesive way.
So what does it mean to love?
A random definition says "an intense feeling or deep affection".
Well that at least sums up the chemical part of it all.
But that's what it's really all about. It's a feeling. If you aren't loving for the pure excitement of it all then you're not doing it right.
I feel love when I am doing things for other people. From babysitting twins while my bestie runs to the store, to helping my daughter build a paper doll house. Even giving the man on the corner my last dollar--that smile is priceless! Inside I feel warm--elated. Like a toasted marshmallow.
Ok maybe not that, cause those get burned sometimes.
But sometimes, you feel burned when you love. When you give love and it isn't reciprocated, it feels like a cold, hard fire. The hardest part is turning that coldness into a feeling of warmth. When you love something just a little or even so deeply, most people when they don't visually SEE the reciprocation, they decide that love isn't worth it. But when you love truly and honestly, the effect of that isn't always VISUAL. Most people remember those feelings when they are down. The homeless man who hasn't had a meal in weeks will remember that there are people out there who do care and it gives him HOPE. Your kids will remember when they get older the times that Mommy spent helping them make something awesome. And your best friend will be so grateful to know that they are never alone.
So I do. I love. I give as much as I can in all the ways I can. Because when I'm down, I can look back and remember that warm and toasty feeling inside. I can't imagine life without love.
And in case no one has said it to you today, yesterday, or so long you can't remember: I love you.
Sunday, November 12, 2017
Sunday
It's Sunday. And I'm writing because, it's Sunday.
Sometimes I have to remember that I don't need an excuse to write.
I mean, I think that sometimes I feel there must be a special occasion for me to write--an occurrence, a bad moment, a life-changing event. But that's not true.
So today is Sunday and I am writing as I catch up on episodes of Law and Order SVU. One of my most favorite shows of all time! It took me a while to get used to it after Christopher Meloni left (good Lord that's a beautiful man!). But I got used to it :)
I don't watch a lot of TV. I have my shows that I watch--Grey's Anatomy, SVU, Scandal, and Gotham and Empire I watch with my husband. Oh, and anyone who knows me knows I LOVE Judge Judy but I just catch those on YouTube whenever. But I have recently become in love with doing puzzles on Sundays. So far I have done 3 500 piece puzzles in the past couple of weeks. I don't know why I've become so into them lately. I think they ease my mind. I like just tuning out the world and working on my puzzles. And I am determined to finish them quickly. I've always had a mind for puzzles of all kinds. I think my former job was like a giant puzzle. When I would tour, putting a light plot in another venue was a lot like a puzzle. Piece by piece, placing the lights where they complete the picture. It was an exciting time. Maybe that's my way of filling the void.
I actually never thought of that until this very moment...
Sometimes I have to remember that I don't need an excuse to write.
I mean, I think that sometimes I feel there must be a special occasion for me to write--an occurrence, a bad moment, a life-changing event. But that's not true.
So today is Sunday and I am writing as I catch up on episodes of Law and Order SVU. One of my most favorite shows of all time! It took me a while to get used to it after Christopher Meloni left (good Lord that's a beautiful man!). But I got used to it :)
I don't watch a lot of TV. I have my shows that I watch--Grey's Anatomy, SVU, Scandal, and Gotham and Empire I watch with my husband. Oh, and anyone who knows me knows I LOVE Judge Judy but I just catch those on YouTube whenever. But I have recently become in love with doing puzzles on Sundays. So far I have done 3 500 piece puzzles in the past couple of weeks. I don't know why I've become so into them lately. I think they ease my mind. I like just tuning out the world and working on my puzzles. And I am determined to finish them quickly. I've always had a mind for puzzles of all kinds. I think my former job was like a giant puzzle. When I would tour, putting a light plot in another venue was a lot like a puzzle. Piece by piece, placing the lights where they complete the picture. It was an exciting time. Maybe that's my way of filling the void.
I actually never thought of that until this very moment...
Monday, October 2, 2017
So as I learn how to manage my finances and scrimp my spending a bit more, I will share with you something that has changed my spending life!
One of my newest ways of saving money is surveys and product sampling. There are a large number of sites that allow you to complete surveys and sample products--for FREE! Now there are quite a few survey sites that are not as easy to deal with but today I will share with you my most favorite of all--Crowdtap!
So once you receive these products you are given certain missions--what do you like, what don't you like, etc. It's so easy!
This was a great product as well. A tablet that cleans your garbage disposal. The only thing I didn't like about this one was the smell--it kind of smelled like ammonia. But it was so easy to use!
If you own a Keurig, this product is a MUST HAVE! I am constantly trying to figure out how to properly clean my Keurig and this does it for you! Just drop this tablet into the reservoir and run a few cycles. If you do it properly, the descaling light will come on your machine and then you just keep running until the light goes off (mine went out after just one cycle)! Then empty your reservoir and run a couple of cycles and you're done!
As the wife of a diabetic, I am constantly trying to find ways to still make great tasting food for my husband who can not have a great deal of sugar products. This is an amazing product. I never buy Splenda because for years it has contained aspertame which is a HORRIBLE ingredient. Splenda always had a horrible aftertaste and made everything taste...like SPLENDA! This new Splenda Naturals Sugar and Stevia product is AMAZING! It tastes...like Sugar. I made this quick cinnamon apple topping for my husband's pancakes and he was so happy! This I will definitely be buying in the future!
Overall, I am madly in love with my new adventures in product sampling/surveys. I earn enough gift cards to purchase my dry goods online which means I am getting my groceries for FREE!! This is a huge help to my messy finances. Here's to a better financial future!
One of my newest ways of saving money is surveys and product sampling. There are a large number of sites that allow you to complete surveys and sample products--for FREE! Now there are quite a few survey sites that are not as easy to deal with but today I will share with you my most favorite of all--Crowdtap!
Crowdtap is a site I joined just a month ago and it has made a huge difference. Answering surveys on this site will earn you points--just 1000 will earn you a $5.00 Amazon gift card! So far, I have earned $25.00! This site allows you to follow certain products, answer questions about their products, and sample their products! Here are some photos of the products I have sampled thus far!
This was my most favorite product from the personal care items I sampled. If you haven't tried dry spray before, you are missing out! This is an amazing deodorant product that you simply spray on. Not only does it smell great, it is so light you can't even feel it! No caking and no messing up your clothes!
Overall, I am madly in love with my new adventures in product sampling/surveys. I earn enough gift cards to purchase my dry goods online which means I am getting my groceries for FREE!! This is a huge help to my messy finances. Here's to a better financial future!
Saturday, September 16, 2017
Have you ever just wanted to be alone?
I will admit. I'm enjoying having my nights and my weekends to spend with my family. I love not having to work until 11pm and then have to get right back up at 6am just to get to work by 9am. I do enjoy being able to cook home cooked meals and watch TV shows with my husband and movies with my kids. I love bedtime stories and being able to do my own laundry and all of those things.
But can a mom just have a few moments alone?
And I don't mean in my house. I mean somewhere else. Outside--anywhere. I feel like my entire body is inside of a box and I just want to get out!
Where would I go I wonder? I mean of course my first thought is, I want a massage!!! A nice, comforting massage always makes me feel better. My last massage (well that was in May sadly) was a Thai massage--my first and it will definitely not be my last! I discovered I had muscles in places I thought were bones! It was a thrilling experience for sure. But as tight as funds are, probably not a good idea.
I don't really go to the movies alone. I can't even remember the last movie I saw...Doctor Strange maybe? Plus it too is an expense I can't really afford.
I do live near D.C. now so going to a museum seems like a great option--there's quite a few of them to choose from! But the mom in me of course says, that's not fair; you said you were going to take your kids to the museum! I wish the mom in me would shut up.
There's no real "beaches" and it's not beach weather but there's quite a bit of water to hang out near--Old Towne Alexandria has a wonderful waterside area with shops and an old torpedo factory with an art gallery inside (or should I say many art galleries!). I enjoyed that with my family but maybe it's worth a trip alone...?
My best friend Jay says my alone therapy is walking through stores aimlessly and just looking at stuff. I don't really buy anything--but I just look. I never actually realized that was something I did but I do seem to remember the times I have done this, I've felt a lot better. Michael's is one of my favorite places to do this because usually after I leave there, I feel very creative--I go home and someone's room gets a do-over!
But of course, my absolute favorite alone time event is couponing! I love going into a store and with my list and my phone and my binder and save, save, save! I love going at 6am and singing the crappy store music that's playing over the speakers and marking things off my list. It is my true happy place.
Tonight I'm going to do something I've never done before--I'm going to see a show--ALONE. Can't wait to tell you all about it!
I will admit. I'm enjoying having my nights and my weekends to spend with my family. I love not having to work until 11pm and then have to get right back up at 6am just to get to work by 9am. I do enjoy being able to cook home cooked meals and watch TV shows with my husband and movies with my kids. I love bedtime stories and being able to do my own laundry and all of those things.
But can a mom just have a few moments alone?
And I don't mean in my house. I mean somewhere else. Outside--anywhere. I feel like my entire body is inside of a box and I just want to get out!
Where would I go I wonder? I mean of course my first thought is, I want a massage!!! A nice, comforting massage always makes me feel better. My last massage (well that was in May sadly) was a Thai massage--my first and it will definitely not be my last! I discovered I had muscles in places I thought were bones! It was a thrilling experience for sure. But as tight as funds are, probably not a good idea.
I don't really go to the movies alone. I can't even remember the last movie I saw...Doctor Strange maybe? Plus it too is an expense I can't really afford.
I do live near D.C. now so going to a museum seems like a great option--there's quite a few of them to choose from! But the mom in me of course says, that's not fair; you said you were going to take your kids to the museum! I wish the mom in me would shut up.
There's no real "beaches" and it's not beach weather but there's quite a bit of water to hang out near--Old Towne Alexandria has a wonderful waterside area with shops and an old torpedo factory with an art gallery inside (or should I say many art galleries!). I enjoyed that with my family but maybe it's worth a trip alone...?
My best friend Jay says my alone therapy is walking through stores aimlessly and just looking at stuff. I don't really buy anything--but I just look. I never actually realized that was something I did but I do seem to remember the times I have done this, I've felt a lot better. Michael's is one of my favorite places to do this because usually after I leave there, I feel very creative--I go home and someone's room gets a do-over!
But of course, my absolute favorite alone time event is couponing! I love going into a store and with my list and my phone and my binder and save, save, save! I love going at 6am and singing the crappy store music that's playing over the speakers and marking things off my list. It is my true happy place.
Tonight I'm going to do something I've never done before--I'm going to see a show--ALONE. Can't wait to tell you all about it!
So, what's next?
Writer's note: This post is from 2015 and I'm not sure why I didn't publish it earlier but here it is!
Now here's the downside of what I'm going through...
I'm totally torn between two different factions. On the one hand I am madly in love with my company and all the wonderful things that we're doing. I can't even think of something that could replace it. But then there's this part of me that is sadly still torn between this and the opera. How do I embrace the inevitable change that could be the end of my 11 year run with the opera? It's a battle that I feel that I am facing on multiple fronts, both personal and professional. My biggest fear is that I will lose the personal relationships in either instance. I'm sure that's not the case but I can't help but think of it that way.
I guess the easiest way to to solve this is to make a list of the two things and compare right?
My happiest times at the opera have always involved the people that I'm working with. From learning how to be a stagehand, to times at the console, to becoming a part of the creative process--they've all been enveloped by a variety of people. When I came into the opera I didn't know anyone, not a single person. Not only did I have to face learning about the people I was working with but also had to re-assure myself that I knew what I was doing. When Dave hired me in 2004, my initial reaction was denial; I had been out of the game for at least a year and maybe the last time I picked up my wrench was to tighten a bolt on my dining room table. But the wonderful thing is that he saw something in me and quickly attached me to the then lighting supervisor, my former boss Ken. Ken was an interesting person; at first I was totally scared as hell of him. But he did teach me quite a few things about being a lighting supervisor but the most important thing I think he taught me was how to just plain survive the drama that was Virginia Opera. Of course working with Jay was one of the highest points of my tenure...and then he left...That definitely left a giant whole in my opera heart--who was going to be my partner in crime? Dave returned in 2012 and made that whole close a little but then he was promoted from TD to Director of Production. In an instant I felt alone again. I'm not opposed to working alone but it's a different kind of feeling when you feel alone in your environment. Trying to hold on to that friendship/work relationship started to become fairly complicated last year and I feel like something was lost. Guess that's one strike.
My job was a rocketed progression of promotions. From stagehand, to programmer, to touring electrician, to master electrician, to lighting supervisor I had the opportunity to learn a variety of things over several years. I embraced programming...after all, that's where I started. But what I realized about my promotion is that with all of that I was losing pieces of me that I didn't want to lose. And to try and justify that by saying, well just get your fix on your off time. There is no off time. I was starting to sacrifice my off-time which should have been family time to take on a ridiculous amount of outside work. It was a bad decision. Not only was I losing my family time but I became distracted from all the other things that I was supposed to be doing for the opera. My creativity was being fed, but my job was suffering. Strike two.
I think that's two pretty significant strikes.
So if it's that easy to drop those two reasons out of my brain, why is it not so easy to walk away?
Simple answers would be loyalty, respect, dedication. Those are usually the things that leave me attached to things that I no longer want to belong to. I like to describe this relationship as Ike and Tina.
So where are my strikes against my company? Well I think the obvious ones would be long days and long, long, hours. I mean, but what arts job doesn't have those? The opera does, the shop did, even my stupid pizza delivery job did. But I don't even feel like that is that big of a deal. I could say that we're a bit disorganized, which makes my little obsessive compulsive brain go insane but again, what new company isn't? Every step is a step towards organization and progression.
So with all that being said, what's next? What is my next move? How do I continue from here now putting on paper what I have been avoiding saying out loud.
Reason number 32 why I have this blog I guess.
Now here's the downside of what I'm going through...
I'm totally torn between two different factions. On the one hand I am madly in love with my company and all the wonderful things that we're doing. I can't even think of something that could replace it. But then there's this part of me that is sadly still torn between this and the opera. How do I embrace the inevitable change that could be the end of my 11 year run with the opera? It's a battle that I feel that I am facing on multiple fronts, both personal and professional. My biggest fear is that I will lose the personal relationships in either instance. I'm sure that's not the case but I can't help but think of it that way.
I guess the easiest way to to solve this is to make a list of the two things and compare right?
My happiest times at the opera have always involved the people that I'm working with. From learning how to be a stagehand, to times at the console, to becoming a part of the creative process--they've all been enveloped by a variety of people. When I came into the opera I didn't know anyone, not a single person. Not only did I have to face learning about the people I was working with but also had to re-assure myself that I knew what I was doing. When Dave hired me in 2004, my initial reaction was denial; I had been out of the game for at least a year and maybe the last time I picked up my wrench was to tighten a bolt on my dining room table. But the wonderful thing is that he saw something in me and quickly attached me to the then lighting supervisor, my former boss Ken. Ken was an interesting person; at first I was totally scared as hell of him. But he did teach me quite a few things about being a lighting supervisor but the most important thing I think he taught me was how to just plain survive the drama that was Virginia Opera. Of course working with Jay was one of the highest points of my tenure...and then he left...That definitely left a giant whole in my opera heart--who was going to be my partner in crime? Dave returned in 2012 and made that whole close a little but then he was promoted from TD to Director of Production. In an instant I felt alone again. I'm not opposed to working alone but it's a different kind of feeling when you feel alone in your environment. Trying to hold on to that friendship/work relationship started to become fairly complicated last year and I feel like something was lost. Guess that's one strike.
My job was a rocketed progression of promotions. From stagehand, to programmer, to touring electrician, to master electrician, to lighting supervisor I had the opportunity to learn a variety of things over several years. I embraced programming...after all, that's where I started. But what I realized about my promotion is that with all of that I was losing pieces of me that I didn't want to lose. And to try and justify that by saying, well just get your fix on your off time. There is no off time. I was starting to sacrifice my off-time which should have been family time to take on a ridiculous amount of outside work. It was a bad decision. Not only was I losing my family time but I became distracted from all the other things that I was supposed to be doing for the opera. My creativity was being fed, but my job was suffering. Strike two.
I think that's two pretty significant strikes.
So if it's that easy to drop those two reasons out of my brain, why is it not so easy to walk away?
Simple answers would be loyalty, respect, dedication. Those are usually the things that leave me attached to things that I no longer want to belong to. I like to describe this relationship as Ike and Tina.
So where are my strikes against my company? Well I think the obvious ones would be long days and long, long, hours. I mean, but what arts job doesn't have those? The opera does, the shop did, even my stupid pizza delivery job did. But I don't even feel like that is that big of a deal. I could say that we're a bit disorganized, which makes my little obsessive compulsive brain go insane but again, what new company isn't? Every step is a step towards organization and progression.
So with all that being said, what's next? What is my next move? How do I continue from here now putting on paper what I have been avoiding saying out loud.
Reason number 32 why I have this blog I guess.
Friday, September 8, 2017
Finances...the story of my life.
I've never been good with money. I mean, I like to think at one point I was. I remember maintaining a credit card and saving money enough to buy a car on my own with no co-signer so I must have been good at some point. But here lately I feel like every dollar I save, five more go out the window. I just don't know where I've gone wrong. Maybe if I look at the last 8 months of my life I can find some insight.
December 2016--I quit my job with Virginia Opera after 12 years of long, hard service. It was a job I loved and was getting paid pretty well...well enough to pay my rent with ONE week's worth of pay. But here in lies the rub: I started having delayed paychecks. Over and over again. And it's so hard to plan your life when you keep having your money delayed. So among other things, I left. I found a job in the great District of Columbia. But I needed to move ASAP. I pulled together as many funds as I could and moved my family in less than a week to Alexandria VA.
January 2017--So I'm working. My husband isn't. And the bills are piling up. He eventually gets a job working for Jackson-Hewitt, only temporary of course. And mostly part-time. Now we've gone from me making rent in one week of work to making 3/4 of the rent on a paycheck. Our rent, doubled. Our insurance doubled. Our bills doubled. And our income reduced by half.
March 2017--I picked up a short term gig in Atlanta to make money. However, because I didn't pay my tolls before I moved, I now have a whopping 1800 bucks in tolls to pay. I settled with the company for 1200. My pay from Atlanta--take a guess how much that was? So the trip, while it was amazing and fun, left me right back where I started.
April 2017--My husband now has a full-time job. Hallelujah.
June 2017--I quit my new job at Studio Theatre after months of unrest and just way more drama than I wanted to deal with. I went back to Norfolk for a week to make some extra money doing lighting design gigs. Did pretty well with that. Then headed back up home to start my new job at Barbizon.
Later June 2017--Summer camp--you know that thing you need for your kids when there's no school and you have to work and you don't have any family to help take care of your kids. Up here, 200 bucks a week. So total up about 3 grand in summer camp money and well...now you're back in debt again.
Now September, I'm stuck with a feeling of helplessness. I'm doing everything I can to save a dollar. Couponing, selling, surveys, quick jobs. And why oh why do I keep coming up short? What is there left for me to do? What else can I minimize?
I just want to get to a better place financially--is that too much to ask?
I've never been good with money. I mean, I like to think at one point I was. I remember maintaining a credit card and saving money enough to buy a car on my own with no co-signer so I must have been good at some point. But here lately I feel like every dollar I save, five more go out the window. I just don't know where I've gone wrong. Maybe if I look at the last 8 months of my life I can find some insight.
December 2016--I quit my job with Virginia Opera after 12 years of long, hard service. It was a job I loved and was getting paid pretty well...well enough to pay my rent with ONE week's worth of pay. But here in lies the rub: I started having delayed paychecks. Over and over again. And it's so hard to plan your life when you keep having your money delayed. So among other things, I left. I found a job in the great District of Columbia. But I needed to move ASAP. I pulled together as many funds as I could and moved my family in less than a week to Alexandria VA.
January 2017--So I'm working. My husband isn't. And the bills are piling up. He eventually gets a job working for Jackson-Hewitt, only temporary of course. And mostly part-time. Now we've gone from me making rent in one week of work to making 3/4 of the rent on a paycheck. Our rent, doubled. Our insurance doubled. Our bills doubled. And our income reduced by half.
March 2017--I picked up a short term gig in Atlanta to make money. However, because I didn't pay my tolls before I moved, I now have a whopping 1800 bucks in tolls to pay. I settled with the company for 1200. My pay from Atlanta--take a guess how much that was? So the trip, while it was amazing and fun, left me right back where I started.
April 2017--My husband now has a full-time job. Hallelujah.
June 2017--I quit my new job at Studio Theatre after months of unrest and just way more drama than I wanted to deal with. I went back to Norfolk for a week to make some extra money doing lighting design gigs. Did pretty well with that. Then headed back up home to start my new job at Barbizon.
Later June 2017--Summer camp--you know that thing you need for your kids when there's no school and you have to work and you don't have any family to help take care of your kids. Up here, 200 bucks a week. So total up about 3 grand in summer camp money and well...now you're back in debt again.
Now September, I'm stuck with a feeling of helplessness. I'm doing everything I can to save a dollar. Couponing, selling, surveys, quick jobs. And why oh why do I keep coming up short? What is there left for me to do? What else can I minimize?
I just want to get to a better place financially--is that too much to ask?
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