100 things part 30...being an artist

I think I'm going to enjoy writing this one...

When I was a child, I grew up with a mother who was (and still is) INCREDIBLY talented as an artist. She could draw anything, paint anything and craft anything. My older brother was the same way. I never felt that as a child I could draw anything and my mother made such a big deal over my brother's artwork that I felt, well substandard.

I know how ridiculous that sounds now but just bear with me.

When other kids would invite their parents to school for career day, to talk about becoming a doctor, or a lawyer, or a teacher, I would invite my mother to career day to talk about art. Needless to say, she wowed them every time.

I was so proud to have a mom who could make me anything I wanted. I wanted to be able to do that.

It took me years, many years, to figure out that I could.

Now theatre is my art, through and through. But it's all the aspects of theatre that have made me realize something:

I am JUST LIKE MY MOM. I'm proud of that.

When my daughter started getting into drawing and painting and she would ask me to help her, I always felt like no matter what I did, I wouldn't be able to do what she asked. Draw me a person, Mommy. Can you help me make this house? I was afraid I would fail.

But art is truly in the eyes of the beholder.

Lighting is my art. Always has been. Painting a set with colors and patterns, that's art. Most people don't look at it that way but think about it. The set with its many moving parts and basic paint job to make it what it is, well that's the base. Your lights are what sculpt it into the real picture. You can do an entire show in just plain white light and STILL it becomes something. How you cut the lights, how you arrange the lights--that's what makes it comes to life.

Art has become so much more to me. Coloring---oh coloring. I love to color. I have so many pieces of artwork at my desk currently that I have fallen in love with. Not to mention an obnoxiously large collection of Sharpies to color them with. I love that I can just take a black and white drawing and transform it into a work of art. My vision and mine alone make something so plain come to life.

Being an artist is a true expression of your hopes, your dreams, your fears, and your battles. Being an artist enables me to be free. There's no judgements in art, only your own. That is the only thing that matters.

100 Things part 17 through 29...I love my...

This post is going to be all adjectives. Simple words that describe me.

I love my...

17. Resilience. Ahhh, this is my favorite one and the one I'm feeling the most strongly right now. I love that I can come out swinging. That even in the face of sadness, or pain, or disaster, somehow I always seem to come out on top.

18. Compassion. I can't even begin to tell you how much my heart opens up when I see someone in need. Even if I don't have much to give, I can't help but bring myself to assist in any way I can.

19. Strength. Physically, thought it may not look it, I am obnoxiously strong for a girl. That's from all those years of lifting heavy scenery and having to support my own weight on a truss or track. I love that about myself--I don't need any help opening my own jars!

20. Humor. Oh I can make 'em laugh--that's for sure. I've got a weird sense of humor sometimes, but it's all in fun.

21. Ambition. I am always climbing higher and higher. I know there's always something better and I don't mind looking for it.

22. Diligence. Catch me at work and you'll find me ALWAYS doing something. Because there's always something to do. I like to stay busy and I have not a single problem with that.

23. Honesty. Sometimes that and humor go hand in hand. But there's one thing that I can tell you, you won't catch me lying. I don't like it. I don't want people to do it to me so I don't do it to other people.

24. Loyalty. If you've got me on your side, you've got me for life. Unless you screw it up in which case that brings us to...

25. Forgiveness. Now let's not confuse this with forgetting. I never said I would forget you screwed up or broke my heart, but I do know how to forgive. Because by forgiving, we become stronger.

26. Punctuality. I like to be early. For everything. Being late not only screws over the person waiting for me, it also screws with my head. I have a routine for everything and being a second off just makes the day go horribly.

27. Resourcefulness. I definitely get this from my mother. She could make anything out of anything. I love crafting things out of whatever I've got laying around the house. Being resourceful also makes coupon hunting amazingly fun!

28. Optimism. Ask anyone. I'm an amazingly optimistic person. I love looking at the brighter side and always shooting for the positive. Positive thinking brings positive results.

29. Independence. I've always been independent. Even when I was a baby, my mother tells me, I just wanted to do things on my own. I wanted to walk before I could, talk before I could, even apparently change my own diapers. But I'd like to think that even at that young age I was put here for a reason. I love being able to choose, to make my own decisions, to be as I want to be.

I look back on this list and it makes me smile. I know there are more, but for now, this will at least help me sleep better.

100 Things Part 16--Being a couponer

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT A TUTORIAL ABOUT COUPONING. I HAVE ANOTHER POST FOR THAT ;)

Most people know this about me but I love to save money!

I got into couponing about a million years ago. Okay well maybe not a million years but a really long time ago.

I think I didn't really start thinking about it until my son and I lived on our own and it became harder and harder for me to make it on the salary I was making. I got into it a little bit by just learning how to bounce from one store to the next and check out prices. I didn't really have a reliable computer, nor a reliable cell phone, so I did it the old-fashioned way. When my now-husband and I moved in together it became obvious that I needed to really start doing something to save money. So right around the time Jordan was born, I started shopping in different stores and using coupons even more. Then my best friend Amy taught me how to double coupon, even triple coupon. It was awesome. Now at this point, I was on food stamps but every "dollar" counts when you have a baby. And I was able to stretch those food stamps really far. It was great.

After Jordan was born it became more of an obsession--how to get the most for spending the least. And it was mostly just grocery store shopping but soon I learned the beauty of online shopping and coupon codes. Oh how I love the coupon codes. Just enter a series of random numbers or letters and boom!  Free shipping or 10 bucks off or something!

I don't think I need to go too much deeper into all of that. Look at my Facebook and you'll see how I love couponing.

But--one of the most valuable things to me is the fact that I know how to share my knowledge. Some couponers can be pretty secretive about how they save their money. Me? I love to share what I know. I want other people to be able to put away for that Disney trip, or that special gift, or just survive through the month. No matter what you're going through, every dollar counts!

100 things part 15--Being a Lighting Designer/Programmer

Well...this could take a while. Cause I can talk about this part of me all day.

Everyone has at least one thing they do extremely well. For me, I love lighting.

So for all of you non-theatrical people out there, I'll spend a few minutes talking about what that really means (theatre friends, bear with me).

So most people understand the basic structure of theatre. There's a stage, a set, sounds or music, some makeup and costumes, things that people use on stage (we call those props), and the lights turn on and off and sometimes do other things. Well, as I tell people, I do lights. Now let's be real, you probably don't really notice the lights until something really dramatic happens and that's ok.

Putting lights onstage requires a lot of work. You can't just hang them anywhere. One false move and that light is going to end up in a place you don't want it to be. And definitely not doing what you want it to do. You have to evaluate the scenery and determine what areas you want to highlight differently. You have to research the show and determine if you need any special lighting effects. And then you have to arrange all those lights in an effective way to accomplish all of that. You have to understand what the optimal position and height for those lights are in order to get what you need out of them.

Whew.

Like I said. A lot of work.

So when and why did I fall in love with lighting? I get asked that a lot. I actually fell into lighting in college when my advisor said, hey you don't have enough credits this semester, why don't you take this class Stagecraft. I was like, sure. And the rest is history. I jumped immediately into lighting and eventually adding on sound as well. But I loved the consoles. Programming boards was my heart and soul--still is. I pride myself on my programming knowledge and how I can make those consoles SING! By the summer of my junior year I had landed my first theatre job, Stage II Electrician at Barter Theatre, which meant I was programming and I had the opportunity to design my first shows!

And then I was hooked for sure.

So fast forward, I did complete my senior year with a great deal of experience in lighting (programming and design). Then I eventually got work with Virginia Opera in 2004 and started off as a spot operator. From spot op, to board op, to Production Electrician, to Master Electrician, to Lighting Supervisor, to Assistant Lighting Designer. All in the span of 13 years. Now that's growth! Throughout each of those transitions I made it my point to continue to enhance my knowledge in lighting equipment, consoles, design methods--anything that could and would make me better at my job. It wasn't like work though. Programming is like playing music on a piano to me. And since I have a musical background, it's almost the same to me. Lighting design is art. One of the most emotion invoking art forms there is. Because you as the designer can make a scene daytime or night time with just a change in intensity. You can make a love scene turn into a murder scene with just a spectral shift. You can conjure fear with the intermittent flash of lights or invite laughter with a comedic light chase. Lighting sets the atmosphere for all of these things.

Now as the Lighting Supervisor for the opera my job dealing with lighting was a bit different. My biggest and most important task was to take the lighting designers original design and pick it up and put it in two other theatres, exactly the way he or she left it. No pressure.

But I loved it. I loved taking the puzzle apart and putting it back together (I write about my love for puzzles in an earlier blog post). It was always an adventure. Will this fit there? How do I hang this without that? Because each space was very different, it required a lot of me paying attention to the show, taking notes, and photos even. I was always proud when I got to opening night and I could look at the stage and say, wow. Each show was a learning experience for the next one.

So as a freelance designer, I love doing anything musical. Straight plays bore me to tears. But dance is my favorite. I enjoy really allowing myself to allow the music to guide me in my design. And I like to program it myself because as I said earlier, to me it's no different than playing a piano. The console keys are just like piano keys, and the music that comes out is the beautiful lighting produced from the numerous keystrokes.

Lighting wasn't something that I chose, it chose me. And I couldn't feel happier about it. 

100 things part 14--Being a Mom

I love my children. And to relate that directly to me, I LOVE being a MOM

I'm going to tell you honestly. 

Neither of my children were "planned". In the sense that my husband and I didn't sit down and talk about it beforehand. But when you decide to be unprotected, well that's a plan. 

So needless to say, I found myself in the final year of college with a baby in my belly. This was 2003. My senior year of college. I was planning to attend UNLV for lighting design in the fall. But instead, I graduated and went home to my mother. My now husband was preparing to go into the army so I knew any day I was going to be alone. 

In any case, my son was born on September 24, 2003--one week after Hurricane Isabel knocked out our power. It was HOT. No A/C. And let me tell you carrying a baby during the summer is ROUGH.

But there he was, my perfect little boy. 7lbs 3oz of adorable cuteness that I wanted to love on and cuddle with every day of his young life. 

Isaiah is the musician of the Dillard-Scott children. He participates in three choirs and loves to create music on his tablet. He loves music. And he's amazing at it. He doesn't think I know because he doesn't like to sing in front of me, which bothers me a little, but that's ok. He's a boy after all. He's always had an interest in music and musical instruments. When he was little, he loved to listen to music and would just curl up in my arms every time I would start to sing. There's one song I used to sing to him when he was in my belly. It's called "A Sorta Fairytale" by Tori Amos. After he was born, any time that song would come on or if I started to sing it randomly, he would just quiet himself down and listen. I knew from those moments that music would always be a big part of his life. 

Isaiah and I have an interesting relationship. He was always little quiet and a little shy. And he still is. But he loves to talk to me about things. He's my favorite shopping buddy (he used to pick out my scents when I shopped at Bath and Body Works). He's my protector always--always looking out for his mom. And I love doing things for him. I redesigned his entire room when he turned 13 because I wanted him to have a "more grown-up" look. I spoiled him so badly when he was little and I couldn't help it. For a while it was just Isaiah and me living together and we spent a lot of time alone. But he never, ever made me regret my choices. And I never will. 

And then in the winter of 2009, practically 9 months after my husband and I tied the knot, here comes Jordan Mariah. 9lbs of adorable chubbiness. From the moment I saw her face, I knew she was going to be trouble LOL.

For one thing, Jordan looks exactly like me. I mean both of my kids do, but Jordan is the spitting image of me when I was a child. So looking at her is almost like looking through a window into the past. She even does the same goofy things to me that I used to do to my mother. For a while, I would just call my mom to apologize for being such a brat when I was little. She'd just laugh and say, "I told you so."

Jordan is the artist of the Dillard-Scott children. So we connect in so many ways. She loves to paint with me and color with me. And she loves lighting and consoles just as much as I do. I love to watch her little fingers push the buttons and make the lights come on. She's so inquisitive and wants to know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING. How it works, how it's connected. When Jay (my best friend) taught her the difference between "patching" for film and "patching" for lighting, her eyes just lit up with excitement. I love taking her to the theatre and watch her just amaze people with her knowledge.

When Jordan and I are alone, we talk about a great deal of things. She loves to know everything about my work and my friends. She wants to be a part of every aspect of my life. I find that absolutely adorable. I love the look on her face when I tell her we're going to do something awesome like build a doll house or color in our coloring book together. She loves spending time with me. And I absolutely love spending time with her. 

What I love most about being a mom is making things up as I go. Sure you can read a hundred books, a million articles, and talk to a billion people about how to be a parent. But the fun of being a parent is you get to choose your own adventure. You get to decide how you want to raise them, what you want to teach them, and how much you will let them change you. That's an important one: most people don't realize that to become a parent, there are certain aspects of your life that you do have to change. You don't have to lose them completely, but let's face it, there's some things you should reconsider doing when those kids come out--or even beforehand. It took me a long time to realize that to be a great parent one of the most important things was just BEING THERE. I missed so many of Jordan's birthdays because of my work with the opera. And though the first few she won't even remember, I do. So when I made the choice this year to get out of the theatre and take a normal job, I knew I was doing the right thing. Now I'm able to attend recitals, Girl Scout meetings, and have FUN with them. It was worth it. 

Being a mom isn't all flowers and sunshine. There are many hard, long days. There are days when I feel inadequate and I think all moms do at some point. But there's nothing wrong with that. All you have to do is bounce back from those feelings and keep going. I know that I wouldn't change anything about being a mom for anything in the world. 

100 Things Part 2-13: My body

100 Things part 2--My body

WARNING: This post will talk about how I feel about MY body. I'm going to talk about things that may or may not make you feel awkward. But you must understand that in order to love yourself, you have to accept the shell in which you are in. This is me accepting my shell.

So I begin at the top with my hair.

2. My hair.
In the past I have HATED my hair. From the time I was a small child, I was so envious of my mother's beautiful hair. My hair was thick and awkward and I didn't like it. So for years I struggled trying to find a way to love my hair. I cut it, dyed it, relaxed it, which of course destroyed it. And then about three years ago I decided to stop chemically processing my hair. I had a rough year for sure of really bad hair. But suddenly my hair has started to make me smile. It's so long I keep thinking there's a spider on my neck. I love how easy it is to manage and deal with. I spend not a lot of time on my hair anymore and I love that.

3. My brain
I must say, I think I'm pretty smart. I can linguistically run circles around the common person. I can logically and creatively look at something and break it down in so many different ways. I love how my brain enables me to write, read, and translate in three different languages (sometimes four!). I love the way I think through things and process information. I enjoy how it enables me to see the bigger picture.

4. My face (in general)
Everyone struggles with their face in some fashion or another. Me, I've got quite a few flaws on my face. I grow hair on my face in places I don't like. I have a wicked scar on the right side of my face (right under my glasses) from when I was in a car accident. It's a little discolored in places. But it is my face. And I think it's beautiful.

5. My eyes
My eyes are brown. Medium brown. But my eyes are amazing. These eyes are trained to see and absorb so many things. I can look at a photo and tell you exactly where those lights are hung. I can look at a gel color and tell you exactly what it is (with the assistance of my awesome brain). I can look at nature and find it's beauty. I don't know what I would do with out them.

6. My ears
I have supersonic ears. I can tell what a sound is so quickly. I know when my kids are jumping on the bed or playing with the blinds. But my ears also allow me to listen to a conversation completely. To hear every word in every sentence. I've been told by many that I am a good listener.

7. My arms
I am strong for a girl. I mean ridiculously strong. And I attribute that to my many years of opera and stagehand work. I always want to be able to carry my own weight. I love that I can lift and safely carry things made of wood and steel. I open all my own jars. And I give pretty good hugs!

8. My breasts
Now let's just be real for a second. They. are. big. I mean heavy. They hurt sometimes. They make my back hurt. They get in the way when I'm trying to crawl through things or get around things. Many of my shirts have a hole in the boob because I rubbed against something and my chest stuck out a little too far. BUT, they're mine. They are a part of me and have been a part of me for a long time, since I was in second grade. My shirts would be incomplete without them. I look good in a low-cut shirt. I mean really good.

9. My hands
Ahhh, my most prized possession. My hands are amazing. They are builders, writers, creators, teachers, and lovers. I can make anything. I can draw, I can color. I do art. I put together puzzles with them. My hands are my favorite tool because I know that with my hands there isn't anything I can't accomplish.

10. My legs
Now I'm only 5'5" but my legs are long. And I love that they are. I can find a pair of pants with no problem. I can hang out further on a truss or a pipe to reach things. And they are strong.

11. My rear view
So I am no Nikki Minaj or Beyonce but I do all right. Here's the thing, if people are looking then it must be worth looking at. I can't see it except in the mirror. But I can tell you this: I don't have any problems finding a pair of jeans that fit. And I am totally aware of the existence of my ass. Just like the top half, the bottom half of me finds it self poking out a little too far for some applications. But it does me just fine.

12. My feet
I am always on my feet. I mean constantly. I eat standing up, I work standing up. I rarely sit down to do even the most difficult tasks. They enable me to keep moving and going strong. I love their resilience. Even when they are tired, they are able to keep going.

13. My stomach
Now let's not get it twisted. I am carrying a load of extra weight around my mid-section. And I have stretch marks--quite a few. But they are the signs of a woman who has carried two babies full term. And proudly. So I don't show them off, but I know they are there. They don't make me ashamed. They make me feel bold, accomplished, and above all they are a sign that I will willingly sacrifice even my own body for my children.

Overall, I would say I'm built just right. It really doesn't matter to me what anyone thinks about how I look. Each one of these aspects of me is perfect. Flaws are what makes us different and I don't desire to look like anyone else but me.

If you can't love your body, no one else will. Embrace it. It's the only one you will ever have.

New project: 100 things (Post 1 of who knows how many)

In coming to terms with many things in my life, I came to the realization that I need to start loving myself as much as the people who surround me do. I feel it is a great disservice for me to expect love from others if I am not able to see the things that people love about me. So this is my new project: 100 things I love about me.

1. That I love. Period.

Some people can go their whole lives and not even understand how to love another person. They don't know what it even means let alone how to display it in a cohesive way.

So what does it mean to love?

A random definition says "an intense feeling or deep affection". 

Well that at least sums up the chemical part of it all.

But that's what it's really all about. It's a feeling. If you aren't loving for the pure excitement of it all then you're not doing it right.

I feel love when I am doing things for other people. From babysitting twins while my bestie runs to the store, to helping my daughter build a paper doll house. Even giving the man on the corner my last dollar--that smile is priceless! Inside I feel warm--elated. Like a toasted marshmallow.

Ok maybe not that, cause those get burned sometimes.

But sometimes, you feel burned when you love. When you give love and it isn't reciprocated, it feels like a cold, hard fire. The hardest part is turning that coldness into a feeling of warmth. When you love something just a little or even so deeply, most people when they don't visually SEE the reciprocation, they decide that love isn't worth it. But when you love truly and honestly, the effect of that isn't always VISUAL. Most people remember those feelings when they are down. The homeless man who hasn't had a meal in weeks will remember that there are people out there who do care and it gives him HOPE. Your kids will remember when they get older the times that Mommy spent helping them make something awesome. And your best friend will be so grateful to know that they are never alone.

So I do. I love. I give as much as I can in all the ways I can. Because when I'm down, I can look back and remember that warm and toasty feeling inside. I can't imagine life without love.

And in case no one has said it to you today, yesterday, or so long you can't remember: I love you.