I'm going to tell you honestly.
Neither of my children were "planned". In the sense that my husband and I didn't sit down and talk about it beforehand. But when you decide to be unprotected, well that's a plan.
So needless to say, I found myself in the final year of college with a baby in my belly. This was 2003. My senior year of college. I was planning to attend UNLV for lighting design in the fall. But instead, I graduated and went home to my mother. My now husband was preparing to go into the army so I knew any day I was going to be alone.
In any case, my son was born on September 24, 2003--one week after Hurricane Isabel knocked out our power. It was HOT. No A/C. And let me tell you carrying a baby during the summer is ROUGH.
But there he was, my perfect little boy. 7lbs 3oz of adorable cuteness that I wanted to love on and cuddle with every day of his young life.
Isaiah is the musician of the Dillard-Scott children. He participates in three choirs and loves to create music on his tablet. He loves music. And he's amazing at it. He doesn't think I know because he doesn't like to sing in front of me, which bothers me a little, but that's ok. He's a boy after all. He's always had an interest in music and musical instruments. When he was little, he loved to listen to music and would just curl up in my arms every time I would start to sing. There's one song I used to sing to him when he was in my belly. It's called "A Sorta Fairytale" by Tori Amos. After he was born, any time that song would come on or if I started to sing it randomly, he would just quiet himself down and listen. I knew from those moments that music would always be a big part of his life.
Isaiah and I have an interesting relationship. He was always little quiet and a little shy. And he still is. But he loves to talk to me about things. He's my favorite shopping buddy (he used to pick out my scents when I shopped at Bath and Body Works). He's my protector always--always looking out for his mom. And I love doing things for him. I redesigned his entire room when he turned 13 because I wanted him to have a "more grown-up" look. I spoiled him so badly when he was little and I couldn't help it. For a while it was just Isaiah and me living together and we spent a lot of time alone. But he never, ever made me regret my choices. And I never will.
And then in the winter of 2009, practically 9 months after my husband and I tied the knot, here comes Jordan Mariah. 9lbs of adorable chubbiness. From the moment I saw her face, I knew she was going to be trouble LOL.
For one thing, Jordan looks exactly like me. I mean both of my kids do, but Jordan is the spitting image of me when I was a child. So looking at her is almost like looking through a window into the past. She even does the same goofy things to me that I used to do to my mother. For a while, I would just call my mom to apologize for being such a brat when I was little. She'd just laugh and say, "I told you so."
Jordan is the artist of the Dillard-Scott children. So we connect in so many ways. She loves to paint with me and color with me. And she loves lighting and consoles just as much as I do. I love to watch her little fingers push the buttons and make the lights come on. She's so inquisitive and wants to know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING. How it works, how it's connected. When Jay (my best friend) taught her the difference between "patching" for film and "patching" for lighting, her eyes just lit up with excitement. I love taking her to the theatre and watch her just amaze people with her knowledge.
When Jordan and I are alone, we talk about a great deal of things. She loves to know everything about my work and my friends. She wants to be a part of every aspect of my life. I find that absolutely adorable. I love the look on her face when I tell her we're going to do something awesome like build a doll house or color in our coloring book together. She loves spending time with me. And I absolutely love spending time with her.
What I love most about being a mom is making things up as I go. Sure you can read a hundred books, a million articles, and talk to a billion people about how to be a parent. But the fun of being a parent is you get to choose your own adventure. You get to decide how you want to raise them, what you want to teach them, and how much you will let them change you. That's an important one: most people don't realize that to become a parent, there are certain aspects of your life that you do have to change. You don't have to lose them completely, but let's face it, there's some things you should reconsider doing when those kids come out--or even beforehand. It took me a long time to realize that to be a great parent one of the most important things was just BEING THERE. I missed so many of Jordan's birthdays because of my work with the opera. And though the first few she won't even remember, I do. So when I made the choice this year to get out of the theatre and take a normal job, I knew I was doing the right thing. Now I'm able to attend recitals, Girl Scout meetings, and have FUN with them. It was worth it.
Being a mom isn't all flowers and sunshine. There are many hard, long days. There are days when I feel inadequate and I think all moms do at some point. But there's nothing wrong with that. All you have to do is bounce back from those feelings and keep going. I know that I wouldn't change anything about being a mom for anything in the world.
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