100 things part 54--secret dancer

Forgive me mother if I offend you but, I remember this story just this way:

When I was little, I told my mother I wanted to be a ballerina and she told me I was too fat. I wasn't offended about the fat part, just about not being a dancer. So I took out the "B" of our very old collection of encyclopedias and looked up ballet and begin to practice the positions. That was roughly as far as I got. I would just practice alone, over and over again.

I never took a dance class and I don't have any professional training at all. But I really love to dance.

Most of the time, I do it alone. It used to be on the stage at the opera house, when it was quiet and there was no one there. Or in the rehearsal hall upstairs. But now, I do it in my bedroom or in the living room when no ones home.

By no means do I attest to having some sort of skill. I have friends who are real dancers, professional dancers, and I give them all the props for taking care of their bodies, for perfecting their skills, and for being so unbelievably beautiful when they dance.

For me, it's just about release. Just finding that one song and letting your body do what it wants to do. I don't have a style or any particular type of dance that I do, I just dance.

I've had some really good moments out in public with my friends where I've just kind of let go and let myself enjoy the dance floor. It doesn't happen often--used to be mostly at the opera opening night parties. And I would just laugh and enjoy myself because it really doesn't matter what you look like, just as long as you're having fun.

I long to have some real training someday. You'd think at this point in my life with as many dancer friends as I have, I would have grabbed one of them and said, teach me something! But no: for now I'm content just letting my awkward body do what it does.

Jay has caught me dancing in his garage sometimes when I'm there and that doesn't bother me so much. I mean, if you can't dance awkwardly in front of your best friend, who can you dance awkwardly in front of, right? But he knows that's just me having my moment and he lets me be. If my kids catch me dancing I try to turn it into something fun so that they can join in, because nothing is more fun than sharing a dance with your kids. My husband isn't really a dancer, but when he does break it down, it is rather amusing!

Dancing to me is another one of those universal languages that allows people to unite without criticism or judgements. It's one of those things that sometimes you just need to do to release tension, or to celebrate, or just have a moment all to yourself. That quote "dance like no one is watching" it means something to me. To me it means just take your music and your body and let yourself go.

As I'm writing this, I'm having a hard time remembering when the last time it was that I had myself a dancing moment. I'm at work now, so it certainly won't be within the next few hours. But I think I'll take a moment tonight for just me and dance it out. I even have a song picked. Listen to this and see if you can resist moving your feet. Have a wonderful day! I love you all!