Change change change...
It's been a while since I've written anything and for many a good reason: I've been ridiculously busy.
But so many things have changed in just the short time I have been absent from my blog. And the biggest change is the one that has been a constant for the last few years of my life: people leaving.
I know it's something that's supposed to happen but it just seemed like for a period of my life everyone was always there. I mean always. I had the fortune of working with one best friend, living around the corner from another, and having everyone in the right place in my universe.
But as things do, it all changed.
And change is good...I'm embracing it with open arms. But damn! Why so much at once?
Yesterday I found out that someone I have enjoyed working with is leaving. Like immediately. I won't go into details about why. It always hurts. My opera job is less like a job and more like a family get-together. When I lose a member of my opera family, it hurts to me the same as if someone died. Now I know in my head it's not the same, but my heart knows no different.
My biggest problem is that I get so attached to people very quickly. I wish I knew how to stop that.
I'm going to miss Nils very much. His charm, his smile, and his inevitable ability to make me laugh are going to be a loss that I'm not going to adapt to very well.
Our team is shrinking here. We were going strong coming into this season and now we're down 3 people in just a short amount of time. It's enough to make me want to shut the door to my office (or at least build one and then shut it since I'm in a cubicle lol). I wish I knew how to make them stay.
I know the reality is that I can't make them stay. As I've been telling them all from the very beginning: you have to find what makes you happy. Once you get there and you find it, everything will fall into place.
I know I'm happy here at the opera. I've been happy here for a long time. I don't care how many insane or seemingly bad things have happened in my time here, I just can't walk away. This is my HOME, my safe haven, my own little piece of heaven.
As long as I've been here, I've seen a lot of faces come and go; some worth losing, some worth not remembering, and some so dear to me that I've been extremely emotional about their departure. It's not going to change; everyone has to travel their own road until they get to the place they belong.
I got a flat tire a long time ago.
